“Caution: World’s Sharpest Knife,” the box boasted. For four installments of $19.95, it better be. Grabbing the end of the shining black handle, I eased the knife out.
“Behold, Mr. Dobson, for it is the sharpest knife in the world!” I shouted to my napping cat. Lying peacefully in a kitchen chair he looked up, shook his head in a way that said ‘you idiot,’ and slipped back off to sleep.
It was Friday night, so there was more than enough time to see what this blade could do. It slid through apples like they were melted butter and chopped pennies, nickels, and quarters in half with next to no effort.
“Woah, did you see that Mr. Dobson — straight through — powerful stuff here — you’re truly missing out.” I proceeded to make samurai slicing motions through the air until I sliced with too much might.
The knife tore through the air in front of me as if it were paper. I dropped the knife; the blade penetrated the wooden floor up to its handle. The space before me now had a floating, fixated four-foot long slit one-inch wide from top to bottom. I had cut a rip in space-time and created a wormhole to an alternate world. I quickly reached into my pocket, grabbing my list and a pen, you can find out more.
#32 ‘” Make a ground breaking scientific discovery. I crossed it off my “Things to do,” list victoriously. Yes! I am definitely the man now.
I thought about which news station I was going to call first but then noticed #33 on the list, and realized another accomplishment was within my grasp. #33 ‘” Help Mr. Dobson fulfill his dream of being the first cat to pioneer through a rip in space-time.
The world, the fame, could wait. I shook Mr. Dobson awake and told him the great news.
“Remember, that thing you’ve always wanted to do, but’ve never gotten the chance to?” I asked. “You’re gonna like this.”
“Two cats at once?” he asked back, his eyes wide and full of excitement
“No dude, traveling through a rip in space time.”
“Oh man, I must have been on nip at the time and — I wasn’t serious..”
“It’s too late,” I had already tied five shoe strings together to attach to his waist. There was no turning back. “
“Alright..uh..just in and out, man” he said reluctantly as I finished harnessing him. We both knew the dangers.
We were well aware of the possibility the rip might not be entirely stable. It was now or never, and just like that, with a slight push he was through. I bunched up the string and threw it in the rip. I pulled out my list, and put a line of ink through #33 and then #34 – Get rid of the cat.